


Consider this as a gift as you taste him on your lips

by orphan_account



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-10-26
Packaged: 2018-02-18 08:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2341910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He was my best friend first, Ashton. He was mine first," Calum's voice quavered and he sniffled quietly. "I can't believe that he just completely forgot about me. I have done so much for him, I have been his rock for ten fucking years and now nothing. Absolutely nothing."</p><p>or the one where Luke took Calum's place in Michael's life and no ones happy about it, not even Michael. But hes too dumb to realize it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Consider this as a gift as you taste him on your lips

**Author's Note:**

> Um so Ali [lukeaesthetic](http://lukeaesthetic.tumblr.com/) posted this prompt months ago and i finally finished it :-) i hope you like it, i think i do :)

For as long as he could remember Calum had always been head over heels for Michael. In high school Michael had been the same way, up until year ten when he and Luke became friends. Calum had had a fling here or there with Luke but nothing felt the same as it did when he was with Michael. There was no doubt that Calum was in love with Mike, and Mike knew that. Then there was Luke, who Michael was suddenly smitten over. Calum and Michael's conversations went from music to Luke, and Luke only. Here and there Lucas had mentioned that he had a crush on Mike, but nothing too serious.

Now the boys were older and they were all on tour. Ashton being sort of the mediator when Calum got upset with Michael or Luke. On several occasions Calum had gone out of his way for Michael, trying to show him that he needed the other boy. Calum would flirt inconsistently with Michael and get no attention back. Rarely did he ever sit next to Michael in interviews or even on the bus. Michael was too into Luke to even notice Calum any more. Calum had even blatantly asked Michael to fuck him only to get ignored, because he was too busy with Luke.

xxx

"God, he's so fucking needy, Ash." Calum whined as he rubbed his hands over his face, stressed filled and weeks of not getting the pleasure he needed, built up. "I want Michael to notice me, damn it!"

Ashton sighed, being in the same boat with Luke. Ashton wanted and needed Luke's attention and Calum the same with Michael.

"They're so distracted by each other and I don't know what to do either, Calum. I really don't."

"I need him back. I need him right now. I need to fucking cuddle that asshole. It's not fair." Calum ripped his beanie off his head and ran his fingers through his hair angrily. Just then Michael walked into the hotel room, Luke following not far behind. Ashton gave Calum a glance before leaving to go lay in his bed.

"Sup," Michael asked as he plopped down on the couch across from where Calum sat, pulling Luke down with him. Luke eagerly cuddled into Michael's side and played on his phone, not paying attention to the other two, or the tension that was building.

"Not a damn thing," Calum spat in Michael's direction. Michael scrunched up his nose and looked at Calum with a confused look.

"Who pissed in your cereal this morning?"

"Y-" Calum started but cut himself off, "No, you know what, it doesn't matter. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Well, alright then pissy pants." Michael rolled his eyes and laid his head back. Luke started to leave lazy kisses on the older boy's neck, earning a tired, but happy mumble from Michael.

xxx

Calum and Ashton lied in their beds, Calum being the one on the left and Ashton's the right. Neither of them had any idea of what to say to make the other feel better.

Calum heard Michael's giggles coming from the living room of the joint hotel rooms, making tears brim his eyes.

"He was my best friend first, Ashton. He was mine first," Calum's voice quavered and he sniffled quietly. "I can't believe that he just completely forgot about me. I have done so much for him, I have been his rock for ten fucking years and now nothing. Absolutely nothing."

A few tears rolled down Calum's cheeks as he stared at a picture of himself and Michael from when they were little on his phone. Not but a few seconds later Calum felt Ashton crawl in his his next to him.

"Hey, scootch and cuddle. We both need it," Ashton whispered. Calum nodded, moved over, and pulled the older, but smaller boy close to him after climbing into his bed. They sat there in silence for a while, enjoying the company of each other. A lot of nights had ended up this way. Calum and Ashton sharing an uncomfortable hotel bed while the other two did their thing away from them.

"I really like Luke, you know," Ashton whispered, both of the boy's eyes closed as they cuddled.

"Yeah, I know," Calum nodded slightly. "This must be really hard for you, too. I'm real sorry, Ash."

Ashton exhaled quietly and the silence came back over the two. It was soon broken by Michael and Luke running into the walls on their way to Michael's bed. They were all over each other and their kissing was loud. Calum heard Michael whisper something along the lines of 'Let me fuck you, Luke.' And a mumble in agreement from Luke.

"I have an idea.." Ashton mumbled and Calum opened his eyes to meet Ashton's hazel ones.

"What is it?"

"You'll see."

Calum scrunched his eyebrows together and gave the older boy a look, but Ashton's eyes were already closed.

xxx

The next day it was just Michael and Calum in the room, Ashton had drug Luke along somewhere, not letting Calum know anything about his plan. Of course Michael wasn't in the same room as Calum. He was playing FIFA in the living room area alone.

Michael walked out to where Calum was sitting on his laptop, messing around on twitter.

"Have you seen Luke?" Michael asked and Calum shook his head in response. "Well have you seen Ashton, then?"

Again Calum merely shook his head, not wanting to particularly talk to Michael, who seemed completely oblivious to what he was doing to Calum.

"What's your fucking deal lately, Calum? You're being such a dick." Michael said as he turned away to go back to playing FIFA.

"I'm being a dick?! Me!?" Calum scoffed as he stood up and faced the other's back.

"Yeah, you are! Every time I've tried to talk to you you always get fucking snappy!"

"Did you ever think once that maybe the world didn't fucking revolve around Luke! I fucking exist Michael! Don't fucking say that I'm being a dick, when I have every right to get pissed at you! You only ever talk to me when you want to know something that involves Luke!" Calum threw his hands up in the air, his face turning red from anger. "It's always Luke this, Luke that! What about me! What about Calum, huh!? Michael you fucking dropped me like I was nothing! We're supposed to be best friends!"

"That's complete shit, Calum and you know it. I always talk to you and you never fucking give me a decent answer. You're being a baby about this! You're overreacting!"

"Oh, now I'm overreacting?!" Calum balled his fists at his sides, trying his hardest not to swing at Michael. "You don't think about anyone but you and Luke do you!"

The tears threatened to brim at Calum's lids but he forced them back. He hated that every time he got mad he cried.

"At least he's not so full of himself." Michael mumbled, his jaw clenched.

"Fuck you!" Calum screamed as he shoved Michael into the wall. Michael shoved Calum back and the two started throwing punches, not caring how immature it was.

Michael swung hard and caught Calum's lip making is mouth bleed. Calum spit blood out onto the floor and tackled Michael to the floor. Before Calum could get in a hit, he was pulled off from behind. Two firm arms were wrapped around his chest as they held him back from Michael. He assumed it was Ashton, because Luke was holding onto Michael's arm for dear life.

"I fucking hate you, Michael. I hate you so much." Calum said through his bloodied teeth. He tore Ashton's hands off of him and walked back to his room. Once the door was slammed closed and he was on his bed, he let the tears flow freely, staining his pillow with them, and the blood from his mouth.

Calum must've fallen asleep because what felt like seconds later he was being coaxed awake by Ashton.

"Hey, Calum.. Wake up.." He whispered, trying not to startle Calum.

"Mmm.. Yeah I'm up, what do you need, I have a headache."

"Yeah, I'm sure you do. Here take this and put this on your lip." Ashton handed Calum some pain reliever and an ice pack. He sighed and took the medicine and held the cold pack to his swollen lip. He was lucky they didn't have a show for a few nights so it would have time to heal a little bit before he really had to go out in front of people.

"I fucked Luke." Ashton said out of the blue. Calum choked on his water and stared at Ashton with wide eyes.

"Y-you what?!" Calum said a little too loudly and Ashton covered his mouth with his hand.

"Shut up, will ya? It's part of the plan. Now I'm gonna tell Michael that Luke and I fucked, and of course he'll know that Luke is lying when he said we didn't. And then he'll come back to you, and we're all happy." Ashton smiled, seeming proud of himself and his ingenious plan.

"That might actually, you know, work."

"Oh, I know it'll work," He chuckled lowly and Calum rubbed his head, trying to rid of his headache.

"When did you and Luke...?" Calum trailed off, still trying to gather his thoughts.

"Mmm.. A few hours ago? While we were gone," The older boy shrugged, then bit his lip and looked down at the ground trying to hide his smile. Calum nodded, knowing that Ashton couldn't see him.

"We fucked in a car, in the woods. It was crazy hot," Ashton admitted blushing, yet proud of himself. Calum laughed quietly and pat the older boy's shoulder proudly.

"Well good for you, sunshine," Calum said nonchalantly. "I don't really hate Michael. I could never hate him.."

"I know, I know. Sometimes we say things we don't mean. It's alright though. You two will figure it out, you always do," Ashton looked up and gave Calum a reassuring smile.

xxx

Calum paced the length of the hotel room, waiting for any sort of noise to come through the wall. He was hoping for a shocked and hurt Michael to start screaming and throwing things but all there was was silence. Ashton was telling Michael that he and Luke had fucked and Calum was growing impatient.

Minutes that felt like hours passed and eventually Ashton walked back to their room.

"It's done, I told him," He said hesitantly and Calum listened so intently that he probably looked insane. "but.."

"But!? But what!?" Calum could feel his heart pick up speed, he felt like he was going to have a panic attack.

"But, he didn't take it how I thought he was going to. He was scary quiet. I expected him to yell at me and try to hit me, but he didn't. He just sat there on the edge of his bed with a blank face. He didn't say hardly anything," Ashton bit down on his lip and watched Calum quietly.

"Well, I expected him to yell, too. I guess we'll just have to wait until he talks to Luke." Calum said as he sat down on his bed. Just then Luke walked into the room and looked between the two, staring longer at Ashton, his cheeks flushing lightly.

"What about me?" The youngest asked.

"Oh, uh, I think Michael wants to talk to you or something," Ashton said with a perfect poker face. It almost seemed like nothing at all was wrong, which was the complete opposite.

"Oh. Okay," Luke's face paled a little as he walked past the two boys to go into the room where Michael was left alone.

Calum and Ashton exchanged a glance before the two snuck over to the doorway to spy on Luke and Michael's conversation.

"You wanted to talk to me..?" Luke said almost inaudibly. Calum knew he must be terrified, after he saw what Michael did to Calum the day before. Calum winced a little remembering the fight.

"Well, not really but I need to," Michael spoke, the hurt dripping from every word he spoke. Calum wanted nothing more than to run to Michael and hold him until he calmed down, but he knew that he had to wait until Michael came to him.

Luke shuffled around on his feet, his head dropping down, something he did when he was nervous.

"Why'd you sleep with Ashton?" Michael whispered.

"I didn't," Luke shook his head, looking like an over sized kid trying to get out of a punishment.

"I know you did, don't lie to me. Why'd you do it," This time Michael sounded more demanding, and a lot more angry.

"I-I.. I don't know, Michael. I'm so so sorry," Luke pleaded, his eyes still trained on the floor. Calum felt Ashton tense next to him so he put his hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezed gently.

"No you're not," Michael scoffed, knowing that if Luke had the chance he'd sleep with Ashton again.

"I am!"

"No, fuck you, Luke! You know I've been upset! You knew that this would hurt me!" Michael's voice rose in anger and Calum bit on the inside of his cheek. He didn't know that Michael had been sad.

"I know," Luke mumbled again. Michael stood up and paced the floor in front of where the younger boy stood.

"I don't know what to do. Can I even trust you any more? I don't have anyone left! First Calum, and Ashton's on his side, and now you! Fuck!" Michael ran his fingers through his hair furiously. He looked up for the first time and Calum saw tears brimming Michael's eyes. Calum's stomach twisted into a million knots, seeing his best friend so hurt.

"Michael, none of us have left.. We're all still right here. Me, Ashton, Calum too. All of us. We're not going anywhere. I swear to you. You've kind of pushed Ash and Cal away, you know? They care about you a lot. Especially Calum," Luke said, reaching out to touch Michael's arm comfortingly.

"Don't," Michael pushed Luke's hand away, "Don't touch me. I need time.. Time away from you, to - to think and I don't know. You really fucked up."

"I know I did. And I am sorry, really, Mikey. I love you."

Luke turned to walk out of the room and Ashton and Calum stumbled over each other to sit back on the bed to act like they hadn't been eavesdropping. As soon as Luke walked through the door Ashton stood up and took two strides to where the younger boy stood and wrapped his arms around him. Luke shook furiously in Ashton's strong arms and Calum stood up, leaving the two alone.

Ashton nodded at Calum as he rubbed Luke's back, trying to comfort the shaken boy. Calum took a deep breath as he crossed the threshold into the other room where Michael was, curled in a ball in the middle of the bed under the blankets.

"I don't wanna talk," Michael said before Calum had said anything.

"Not even me?" Calum asked quietly as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Even you, Cal."

Calum sighed to himself and nodded. He got up and walked out of the room, down the hallway of the hotel. Soon they'd have to leave the hotel, which Calum was thankful for. Too many fucked up things had happened here.

This whole year has been way too fucked up for Calum to even feel like he could properly breathe. Sure he loved and cared for Luke, but fuck, did he really have to steal Michael from him?

Calum let out a deep sigh and walked aimlessly around the hotel for what seemed like hours. Around two A.M. Calum decided to walk back to the rooms and try to get some sleep. Not that he would even get any. The past few months he'd been getting maybe four hours of sleep a night. It was a lot harder to sleep without Michael than with him, even if he might snore too loud and hog all the blankets.

He walked into the room to find Luke in bed snuggling with Ashton, so he knew that he'd be sleeping alone definitely tonight. Before he could even think about changing his mind he walked to Michael's room. Even if he was going to sleep in the empty bed next to Michael's, it was still in the same room.

He knew immediately that Michael wasn't asleep, he was just pretending to me, but Calum didn't have and energy to say anything. He shed his clothes in a pile next to the bed, leaving only his boxers on and laid down under the itchy hotel room covers. The two faced away from each other on the beds.

"Calum?" Michael's voice came out almost inaudible and it sounded pained.

"Yeah?"

"You awake?"

"Yeah," Calum answered just as quiet as Michael was talking. He was surprised they could even hear each other.

"Do you really hate me?"

Calum winced and bit down on his lip.

"No I could never hate you," He could hear Michael shift under his blankets and Calum did the same, so they were both laying on their backs.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Calum heard Michael sniffle a little bit and it made his stomach twist into a thousand knots.

"Are you sure? You're not just saying that because of what happened with Luke today, right?"

"Michael, listen to me. I could never in a thousand years ever think about hating you. You've been in my life since we were seven years old. I promise I don't hate you."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry I've been such a shit friend," Michael continued after Calum didn't say anything.

"It's alright. I should've said something instead of just blowing up on you."

"I guess so, but you're right. I dropped you. I didn't mean to, I swear I didn't."

"I know you didn't. I was just mad and frustrated. I mean, I'm still hurt, but I guess we'll move past it. You mean so much to me Michael, you know that right?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Promise me you won't forget that," Calum's voice came out so quiet he wasn't sure if Michael could even hear him.

"I promise."

The two boys were now facing each other in the separate beds. Calum couldn't see Michael's face because of the moonlight shining in behind Michael, but he knew that Michael could see him perfectly. Calum chewed on the inside of his cheek and stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. This was the longest conversation the two had had in the past couple months. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from Calum's chest now that he was talking civilly to his best friend.

"I miss you so much," Michael's voice cracked and Calum could hear him taking deep breaths trying to calm himself down. Calum crawled out of his bed and got into Michael's next to him. A wave of emotions washed over him as he held tightly onto Michael, never wanting to let go.

"I'm right here, Mikey," Calum pressed his lips to the top of Michael's head and he nodded slightly.

"I wish it was just like how things were when it was just me and you, you're my best friend, Cal."

"You're my best friend too, Michael.. I- I love you," Calum whispered, his voice becoming quieter with each word he spoke.

"Don't leave okay?"

"I won't. As long as you don't."

"I won't," Michael whispered against Calum's bare chest. Goosebumps rose on Calum's skin as Michael's hot breath rolled over his skin. It had been so long since he had any contact with Michael and his bones ached for him.

"Are you cold?" A small smirk played on Michael's lips, knowing that he caused Calum's goosebumps.

"Oh shut up," Calum pouted and pushed Michael away and crossed his arms. It felt good to mess around like this with Michael. It was like nothing happened.

"No way," Michael moved back over to him and poked Calum's bottom lip. Calum tried to suppress a giggle and Michael did it again. "You know you love me."

Heat rose up to Calum's cheeks but he didn't say anything back. Calum became aware of how close Michael had gotten to him and his hands twitched, as his eyes flicked down to Michael's lips.

Calum knew that it wasn't a good idea to kiss Michael but it was all he could think about. It was too soon, and what if Michael rejected him. He probably still had feelings for Luke. No of course Michael still had feelings for Luke. Calum looked away and pulled his bottom lip into his mouth to keep Michael from touching it anymore.

Calum felt Michael's hand on his chin, and his bottom lip being pulled out from between his teeth. He looked back at Michael, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Just let it happen, alright? It's fine," Michael whispered and Calum nodded, still unsure if he should kiss the other. Before he could think about it anymore he leaned towards Michael, his eyes closing as soon as their lips touched. Michael's hand moved behind Calum's head and he moved closer to the brown haired boy. They had shifted so Calum was hovering over Michael's body.

Calum relaxed more as the kiss continued. As Calum opened his mouth for air Michael's tongue found it's way into his mouth, gliding against Calum's slowly. Michael's hand slid up Calum's bare chest and held his cheek in his hand, deepening the kiss further. A wave of relief washed over Calum and he wrapped his arm around the other boy's waist.

Calum pulled away from Michael and trailed soft kisses along the other's jaw back to his ear, then down the side of his neck. Michael's hand grazed along Calum's soft skin of his back, making shivers run down his spine.

Calum felt Michael grow hard against his thigh as he left love bites along his collar bone, and he let out a small gasp. He knew that he was hard too, but they hadn't talked in so long and sex is no way to come back from months of fighting. Of course Calum wanted it, who wouldn't, but it was up to Michael.

Calum pulled away from Michael and looked at him quietly, not sure of what to say.

"What, Cal?" Michael asked as he moved his hand over the boy's chest.

"I- is this okay? Do you want to do this?" Calum motioned to the two of them, the air in the room had shifted.

"Of course I want to," Michael nodded and placed his hand around the Calum's neck, pulling him down to give him a light kiss on the lips.

Calum nodded slowly, still wary of going through with this. Of course he wanted Michael. God, he wanted Michael every second of every day. He couldn't get enough of him and not having him at all drove him near the edge of insanity.

He felt Michael soft arms wrap around his middle, pulling him down to Michael's bare chest. He wanted to melt into Michael's skin, to never leave this exact moment. Calum was so in love with Michael, he couldn't deny it.

Calum pushed his hips against Michael's gently, earning an involuntary groan from Michael. Michael's hands traveled along Calum's tanned skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Michael pulled one of his hands away from Calum and pulled open the side table drawer, his hand digging through the mostly empty space. Finally he pulled out a small bottle, of what Calum assumed was lubricant and set it on the bed next to the pair.

Calum's lips traveled down the side of Michael's neck, his tongue flicking lightly against his pale skin. This time Michael was the one to move his hips against Calum's and he inhaled a sharp breath.

"I need you," Michael breathed as Calum bit and sucked on his neck, surely leaving a mark to admire the next day. Calum nodded slowly and pulled away, discarding his own boxers as well as Michael's pajama pants and boxers onto the floor.

Calum's hand fished around in the covers of the bed searching for the bottle Michael had placed there minutes ago. Finally he found it and clicked open the top putting a puddle of it into the palm of his hand. Calum leaned down, resting his forehead on Michael's as his fingers circled the older's entrance.

Michael let out a small gasp and his eye's fluttered closed as Calum began to prep him.

"Open your eyes Michael," Calum whispered and Michael obeyed. Calum pressed another finger into Michael and bit down on his lip as he watched Michael's eyes flash with pleasure. Michael was already panting and Calum wanted nothing more than to fuck his brains out, show him that he only wanted Calum and not Luke. Not Luke ever again.

Calum clenched his jaw as Luke flashed through his mind, reminding him how pissed off he was at Luke. Calum ran his slick palm over the length of his cock before pressing his tip to Michael's entrance. Michael stared up at him with hooded eyes and Calum fought to control his anger.

"Please, Calum... Please," Michael begged and Calum slowly pushed himself into Michael.

"Oh..Oh my God," Calum breathed and held onto Michael's hips, moving slowly. The pleasure coursed through Calum's whole body and he dug his finger's into Michael's skin. The boy let out a small whimper and Calum picked up his pace. The pair's breath crashed together in the small space between their lips as thrusted deep into Michael.

Calum placed a sloppy kiss on Michael's wet lips and moved his hips faster, making Michael moan louder. Calum wanted the other to say his name, to moan his name. Michael was his and no one elses.

He kneeled with his back straight, Michael's legs wrapped around his waist as he pushed himself completely into Michael. Michael tugged at the mess of sheets that surrounded them and his legs clenched around Calum. As he pulled out slowly Michael's eyes closed and his mouth parted slightly.

Calum's cock rested against Michael's entrance and he leaned down slowly to whisper into Michael's ear.

"You're mine, Michael. Mine," Calum said through gritted teeth and Michael nodded. "Say it then. Say you're mine."

"I'm y-yours Calum. Yours," Michael mumbled. As soon as Calum heard the words tumble from Michael's mouth he slammed into him, making the older boy cry out. His hips pounded against Michael's mercilessly. Michael's back arched off the bed as Calum continued to slam into him.

The tip of Michael's cock glistened with precome and Calum held his hands above his head, denying Michael any chance of touching himself. Calum let out throaty groans, mumbling Michael's name.

“Calum, I- I love you, oh my God I love you,” Michael whimpered Calum searched for his eyes, the only sound to be heard was their skin slapping against each other, and their low desperate moans.

Calum let go of Michael's wrists and fisted his hands in his hair, his stomach rubbing against Michael's cock. Their sweat coated foreheads pressed together and Calum tugged at Michael's bright hair, coming closer to his release.

“You're mine, not Luke's,” Calum mumbled moving his hips faster. “I love you.”

Calum called out as he came into Michael his hips shaking from the much needed release and Michael followed suit crying out Calum's name, raking his fingers down the tanned back. Calum collapsed onto Michael's chest and the pair laid there in silence, half coherent, as they came down from their high.

“Don't leave,” Calum whispered after the two had settled under the blankets, cuddling into each other like they used to. Like there was no one else around.

“I won't.”

“Promise?” Calum asked, hoping that Michael would say it back.

“Promise,” Michael replied and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off Calum's chest. He cuddled into Michael, wrapping his arms around the older's bare waist and nuzzled his head into the crook of his neck.

The next morning Calum woke up and stretched out feeling an empty space where Michael should've been. He shot up to a sitting position and looked around the empty room. His heart constricted and he felt hurt, and betrayed, but most of all he felt sick. He felt like throwing up because Michael had left and he said he wouldn't.

“Oh I didn't mean to wake you up,” Michael said from the doorway as he fixed his pajama pants on his hips. A wave of relief washed over Calum but he couldn't help but feel like an asshole for thinking Michael left. He'd done it before, though.

“No, you didn't.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“No you're not. What's wrong?” Michael asked as he sat down on the bed next to Calum and pulled him to his chest. Calum cuddled into Michael's warm body and sighed quietly.

“I thought you'd left me and I was upset,” Calum confessed quietly into Michael's side. He hid his face and bit down on his lip.

“Calum, look at me,” Michael moved and lifted Calum's chin up so he was looking into Calum's eyes. “Calum, listen, I said I wouldn't leave you. I promised. I'm here.”

Calum nodded and laid his hand over Michael's waist, “Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you back,” Calum smiled and kissed Michael's soft skin on his torso. He was with Michael and it was better than it had been in months.

The next few weeks went along just like that, Michael and Calum cuddling and loving on each other. It was fun and it was nice and Calum loved it. Calum loved Michael and he always will. He showered Michael in affection just like before, making him feel secure, making them both feel secure.

Calum walked into another hotel he didn't know the name of and usually he'd be walking with Michael. But Michael was ignoring him and it hurt so fucking bad. They were going into their same old routine and Calum hated it. An arm draped itself over Calum's shoulders and he didn't have to look to know that it was Ashton.

“He promised,” Calum simply stated, the hurt clear in his voice.

“I know he did, Cal. But promises fall through,” Ashton squeezed Calum's shoulder and he sighed softly. This is the kind of shit that could tear the band apart.

“I wish I could hate him.”

Michael and Luke walked by giggling and whispering to themselves and Calum couldn't tear his eyes away from them no matter how bad it sucked. There was always something that would make him love Michael. No matter how many times he was hurt by him. Michael was his person even if Calum wasn't Michael's.

“I wish I could fix this.”

“Yeah, but its not your mess to fix.”

Down the hall Michael and Luke locked themselves into what was supposed to be Ashton and Luke's room and Ashton let out another sigh.

“Mind if I stay in your room tonight?”

“Only if we can cuddle.”

Michael had fucked over Calum again and again but he let it happen. It was how they were. But he always had Ashton to lean on and he was grateful for that.

“I'd never deny a chance to cuddle Calum Hood,” Ashton smiled trying to lighten the mood.

“Maybe we could just fall in love and make it easier on our hearts,” Calum said as he crawled under the covers next to Ashton. Ashton's strong arms wrapped themselves around Calum's middle and pulled him to his chest. Calum loved being the little spoon.

“Yeah, maybe.”

 


	2. And I'll just smile, and make believe I don't feel a thing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like Ashton said, promises fall through. Calum would love Michael till forever, and he could only hope that Michael knew that. He spent more time being happy and laughing until his stomach hurt than feeling like his gut had been ripped out ten times over. He felt happy, and he could only thank Ashton for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo a part two was requested for this and so I did it because I know the ending to it was really really shitty. So enjoy!

Calum got used to it after a while. He got used to seeing Michael cuddle up to Luke instead of him. He got used to seeing them kiss. He was used to it, but that didn't mean he was okay with it. He probably never would be, but Michael was his best friend and Luke was his best friend. After how they treated Calum and Ashton they shouldn't deserve to be even called their friends. But no matter how much Michael and Luke pissed them off they were still best friends.

Calum spent more and more time with Ashton, and less time thinking about how mad he was and how upset he was. He'd get over it, he hadn't yet but he would eventually. Like Ashton said, promises fall through. He'd love Michael till forever, and he could only hope that Michael knew that. He spent more time being happy and laughing until his stomach hurt than feeling like his gut had been ripped out ten times over. He felt happy, and he could only thank Ashton for that.

“Hey,” Ashton whispered into Calum's neck, pulling him away from his thoughts. Calum's hand rested on the top of Ashton's back, their legs tangled together. “What are you thinking about?”

“About how I'm happy,” Calum said after thinking about his answer. He placed a kiss atop Ashton's head and rubbed his fingers against Ashton's skin. He could lay like this forever probably. Just himself and Ashton and it would be alright. “What are you thinking about?”

“A lot,” Ashton shrugged and Calum raised his eyebrow at him, urging him to continue. “I'm happy, and I'm happy you're happy, but I'm also afraid you'd be happier with Michael. Cause I know you still love him, and you know I still love Luke.”

“Ashton, be quiet. I love you okay? I really do,” Calum sighed quietly and pressed his lips to Ashton's. And that wasn't a lie. He did love Ashton. Calum pulled Ashton onto him and wrapped his long arms around his torso, never breaking their kiss.

“Just worried, y'know?” Ashton mumbled into Calum's neck after they had pulled away from each other. Calum nodded and kissed Ashton's shoulder, he knew Ashton was worried, and he was worried Ashton would go back to Luke at the same time. It was an insecure relationship, and it scared the shit out of both of them. They cared that Luke and Michael were happy, and if it wasn't with them, then so be it.

“We're supposed to hang out with them in a little bit, do you still want to?” Calum asked as he drug his fingertips along Ashton's back. Ashton shivered at the feeling and nodded a little.

“Yeah, we haven't seen them since we started the break from tour,” Ashton sat up, straddling Calum's waist and shrugged. He was nervous to see Luke and Calum knew that, he was nervous to see Michael. He had no idea what would happen, he was just hoping he wouldn't cry.

“Wanna do something?” Calum asked and placed his hands on Ashton's waist. He was kind of hoping Ashton would say no, but Ashton liked to explore and go places when Calum much rather stay home and cuddle.

“If you want to.”

“I like this,” Calum smiled and sat up, placing a kiss on Ashton's lips. Ashton giggled and wrapped his arms around Calum's neck nodding in agreement. His hands rubbed along Ashton's sides and he smiled contently. His lips grazed along the stubble of Ashton's jaw, making the older sigh.

“We should get dressed,” Ashton mumbled as Calum's lips kissed along the side of his neck. Calum shook his head lightly and pulled Ashton closer to him. Ashton's head rolled back as Calum left marks along his neck. “Calum c'mon we have to get ready.”

Calum sighed and pulled away letting Ashton climb off of his lap. Running his hands through his hair he sifted through his dresser drawers looking for a shirt to wear. He tried to not let it bother him that Ashton always seemed to get out of doing anything remotely sexual with him. But it definitely bothered him. Sure they've had sex, and all that but that was months ago when they were both trying to fill a void that couldn't seem to ever be filled. Calum felt arms wrap around his middle and he leaned back into Ashton's warm chest.

“I'm sorry,” Ashton spoke against Calum's shoulder. He nodded and leaned his own head against Ashton's

“S'alright.”

Ashton pulled away and grabbed out a shirt for himself and walked out into their living room, waiting for Michael and Luke's arrival. The anxiety was almost palpable and the air was practically too thick to breathe by the time a quiet rap was heard at the door. Calum and Ashton exchanged looks, trying to urge the other to open the door. Eventually Ashton gave in and Calum watched from a distance as the door was swung open revealing a now red haired Michael and Luke. His stomach twisted into knots and he felt like he was living a nightmare. Calum watched Ashton hug Michael and then Luke, and he shifted on his feet. Their voices were too cheery, too fake to be real.

“Hey, Calum,” Luke spoke first and Calum smiled weakly and walked to Luke, giving him a hug, a very tense and awkward hug.

“Hey, Luke. I've missed you,” Calum said honestly and Luke smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

“Hi,” Michael mumbled and scratched the stubble growing on his jaw.

“Hey,” Calum waved a little, but he didn't hug him like Ashton had. Ashton was always better at putting on a fake face for the sake of others. It wasn't until then that he noticed Michael and Luke's hands were clasped together and he wanted nothing more than to tear them apart. To yell at them for fucking Ashton and himself over. He reached over and grabbed Ashton's hand for something. For safety and security, to fight off the panic attack that was building in the pit of his stomach. Ashton squeezed his hand lightly assuring Calum that he was there and it was okay, and that was enough for now.

“So, uh. Come sit or whatever. It's been a while we have a lot to talk about,” Ashton said after clearing his throat and he moved out of the way, letting Michael and Luke pass to go sit on the couch. The pair sat down and Calum couldn't help but notice how there was a space between them, something that never existed before. It was never just Michael and Luke it was always michaelandluke after the Bad Thing happened. Calum's spit was thick and it was getting caught in his throat and he couldn't seem to form any words when he saw Michael sitting on Ashton and his couch. It was Ashton and Calum and Michael and Luke. It didn't feel like Ashton, Calum, Michael, and Luke anymore.

“It's a nice, uh, apartment you have Ash,” Luke attempted at making small talk but just made the situation worse.

“Yeah, Calum helped pick it out,” Ashton scratched the back of his neck.

“It's ours like, mine and Ashton's,” Calum blurted out and Michael looked like his eyes were going to pop out of his head. Ashton shot Calum a glare, but he never looked away from Michael. Luke pulled his hand away from Michael's and crossed his arms over his chest. They looked away from each other and Calum stood up walking to the kitchen, avoiding the mess he made in the first place.

“Why the hell did you say that,” Michael's voice sounded from behind Calum, making the dark haired boy jump. Calum grabbed a glass out of the cupboard, his hands shaking slightly, and filled it up with water from the tap. “Calum, why did you say that? Are you trying to hurt me?”

Calum couldn't help but laugh at Michael's question. He took a long drink from his glass, wishing more than anything that it was alcohol instead of water.

“Me trying to hurt you?” Calum laughed again, but this time it was sad sounding. “I have never done anything but let you be happy, and you have the nerve to say I'm trying to hurt you.”

“You wouldn't have said that if you weren't,” Michael pushed. Calum wanted to throw the thick glass at his head and knock him out, but instead he gripped it so tight that it wouldn't surprise him if it shattered in his hands. Even if it did Michael wouldn't help him pick up the pieces, like he would've helped Michael.

“I'm mad, Michael. Me, yeah Calum. I'm mad. I'm so pissed off and I'm trying not to be, so maybe you and Luke should just leave,” Calum gritted his teeth and Ashton walked into the kitchen, Luke trailing behind him. Calum wished this was easier. He wished that he could be friends with Michael, he wish he could put the Bad Thing behind him, but he couldn't.

“Luke suggested we go out somewhere, like to get ice cream or something,” Ashton walked past Michael to where Calum stood and took the glass out of his hands, setting it on the counter behind him.

“Are you two, like dating?” Michael asked, staring at Calum.

“Michael,” Luke whispered and put his hand on Michael's shoulder, who only shrugged it off. Calum felt Ashton tense when Luke drew away from the group, looking rejected and upset.

“Yeah,” Calum nodded and licked his lips. “Yeah, we are.”

“Luke and I were just leaving. Sorry we don't have time for ice cream,” Michael put on his best fake sorry face and grabbed Luke's hand pulling him towards the front door.

“But you just-” Ashton stared but Calum shook his head.

“Let them go. I don't want Michael here.”

Ashton nodded and wrapped his arms around Calum's waist. Calum just stood there staring at the empty space where Michael was standing a minute ago. It was easier not seeing Michael, he couldn't do this again. He couldn't see him ever again.

Xxx

Calum's phone buzzed on the table next to him and he let out a low whine as he rolled over to grab it. He rubbed his eyes, squinting from the light of his phone and read 'One new iMessage from Michael'. He hadn't talked to Michael since Calum had told him to leave, and that was weeks ago. His phone buzzed again in his hand. Another text from Michael.

Calum slid his finger across the screen of his phone, unlocking it and read the messages from the older boy.

* _Calum?_  
 _Calum are you awake?_ *

Calum's fingers hovered above the keys on his phone, thinking about replying to Michael. Another message pulled up on his screen.

* _Calum, come on. please just answer me. I need to talk to you._ *

* _yeah, I'm up. what do you need?_ *

* _are you home?_  
 _like at Ashtons?_  
 _well I guess it's your house too..._ *

Calum looked over Ashton laying beside him and he sighed. What did Michael even want from him.

* _yeah._ *

* _come outside._ *

Calum frowned at his phone and sat up, getting out of the bed, trying not to disturb Ashton in his sleep. He walked over to the window and peeked his head through the curtains and sure enough there was a shape, that could only be Michael, standing in front of the apartment. The streetlight illuminated the back of him, revealing some of his red hair in the night. Calum pulled a sweater over his head and slipped on a pair of shoes before walking out of his apartment.

“Michael, what are you doing here?” Calum asked when he walked out of the front door of his building. The red haired boy jumped a little, not expecting Calum to be there.

“I needed to talk to you, I guess,” He mumbled and Calum frowned, now standing in front of Michael.

“You guess? It's like two in the morning.”

“Yeah I know,” Michael sighed and shifted on his feet. They stood there in silence after that. Calum didn't want to talk to Michael, let alone look at him. He felt sick, and powerless when he was around Michael and he hated it.

“I miss you,” Michael whispered. It was so quiet Calum barely caught what he had said. Calum wanted to punch him in the face and kiss him all at the same time. Or he could melt into a puddle of nothing and that would be just as good because he'd never have to see Michael ever again, and he would cease to exist.

“No you don't. Now go home to Luke,” Calum muttered and shoved his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. He knew Michael didn't miss him. They had gone through this before and it only ever ended in Calum getting hurt and Michael doing whatever he wanted. He wasn't going to let it keep happening to him. He deserved to be happy, he deserved someone that wasn't Michael.

“How'd you know if I missed you or not?”

“Because Michael. If you missed me you wouldn't have fucked me over in the first place.”

“I made a mistake.”

“No. A mistake is a one time thing. You learn from it. You have fucked me over more times than I have bones in my body,” Calum saw Michael frown but he continued. “I should hate you, you know? I should hate you so much that I say that I never want you in my presence ever again. I should be beating the shit out of you. I shouldn't even be here right now, and neither should you.”

“But you are here. And I'm here. And you're not doing any of those things.”

“I should be.”

“I love you,” Michael took a step towards Calum, who took a step back. “Calum don't do this.”

“You don't do this, Michael,” Calum whispered, his voice cracking. He hated how Michael did this to him. How he sucked him back up time and time again. It wasn't even like Calum could fight it, and Michael knew that.

“You know you love me.”

“That's not fair.”

“So you do?” Michael asked and took another step towards Calum, who didn't move. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want to kiss Michael. But Ashton was upstairs, in their apartment. His boyfriend, was in their apartment, sleeping in their bed.

“I need to go,” Calum whispered again but didn't move. He inhaled a shaky breath and closed his eyes when he felt the older boy's hands fall onto his hips. He knew that Michael was playing with him but he couldn't stop from falling into old habits again. Michael's hands fit on his body, like they were meant to be there. Calum shook his head a little trying to erase the red hair boy from his mind even though he was standing right in front of him.

“You can stay,” Michael said just as quietly. His hands slipped under the fabric of Calum's hoodie and his skin burned where Michael's fingers touched. Calum couldn't decipher if it was a good burn or a bad burn but he was on fire and Michael was here. He felt Michael lean towards him and he stopped breathing. He wanted it, no he didn't.

“What are you doing?” Calum whimpered, his hands still at his sides. Michael's hands rubbed along Calum's lower back, surely searing prints into his skin where the older boy's skin made contact with his own. “Where's Luke?” Calum tried to change the subject, but that obviously made Michael mad because he now felt Michael's fingers biting into the skin on his back. Calum took in a sharp breath from the pain, but he still didn't move away from Michael.

“Don't talk about him,” Michael muttered through gritted teeth and Calum nodded. He loved Michael. No he loved Ashton. Ashton. Calum pulled away, tearing the red haired boy's hands from under his hoodie. “Calum?”

“Michael you can't do this. You have Luke. You wanted Luke. Not me. So that's what you got. I'm just trying to make you happy,” Calum whispered, not able to talk any louder than that. “I just want you to be happy.”

Michael frowned and paced along the sidewalk in front of Calum. Now he was cold again, cold like he had been after the Bad Thing happened. After Michael left, he was so cold that he shook for hours on end. No matter how long Ashton would hold him or how many blankets he was wrapped up in he was cold and empty. And that was Michael's fault, it was all his fault.

“He's filled your head with lies hasn't he?” Michael finally spoke and Calum stared at him. “He's- he's not want you need. I am. I'm what you need. You're not happy. Why are you lying to yourself? Ashton's only with you for himself. He only wants you for sex,” Michael clenched his jaw and his hands shook at his sides as he continued. “He doesn't love you. I love you. You love me. You don't love him.”

“I don't love you, Michael,” was all Calum said before he turned to walk up the stairs to his apartment. Michael grabbed his wrist and spun Calum around, almost making him fall to the ground from the force he'd used. “Let go of me!” he yanked his arm away from Michael's grip and frowned.

“Don't go.”

“Please leave.”

“I love you,” the older whispered staring into Calum's eyes.

“Michael, leave.”

“Say it back Calum.”

“No. Leave,” Calum played with the sleeves of his hoodie and looked away from Michael. He'd already talked to Michael for far too long.

Michael grabbed Calum's arm and before the younger could protest, Michael's lips were on his. The red haired boy's hands gripped onto the front of Calum's shirt, not letting him move. He was sucking the life out of Calum, almost literally. Calum could feel the feeble wall he had built start to crumble under the touch and force of Michael's lips. He couldn't think of how this was wrong or how he actually shouldn't want this. He couldn't think about how this kiss was hungry and rough and completely unlike Ashton's kisses. As if it was against his will Calum kissed Michael back, his hands were shaking and his heart was going a billion miles an hour and Michael was still sucking every thing Calum had built up to fight this boy off right out of his body through his mouth. Michael was poisoning Calum again and Calum didn't want nor could he stop it. He should want to stop it, but that's how Michael was. One touch and you're done for.

Calum started to cry and then Michael was wiping his tears away with his thumbs whispering that it was okay and that he was right there. But that's why he was crying. It wasn't okay and he _was_ there. He hated Michael.

“Hello?” A familiar voice said behind Calum and more tears came. “Calum?” Ashton's voice was louder the second time. The tears rolled down Calum's face as Michael let go of his shirt. He took a few steps back before hitting the bottom step with his heels and falling on his ass. Ashton ran past him and tackled Michael to the ground. Michael's back hit the cement with a thud and Calum could hear the wind being knocked from his lungs. Ashton's fist connected with Michael's jaw repeatedly, and Michael didn't stand a chance.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU, MICHAEL?!” Ashton screamed as his fist hit Michael's lip. “Why are you taking everything from me! Why aren't you letting me have anything!?” Ashton was crying now and Calum couldn't move. “If you hated me that much why'd you ask me to join the band! You could've told me never mind! What did I do wrong!?” Ashton's chest was heaving and he was still throwing punches, connecting with Michael's bloodied face.”First you take Luke and now you're trying to take Calum!? The world doesn't fucking revolve around you Michael! I deserve love too! I fucking love Luke and you took him! You took him and you didn't care! You still don't care! I hate you!” Ashton's hand's wrapped around Michael's neck and Michael's hands were pushing at Ashton's chest trying to get him off. “Why are you so fucked up that you have to take everything from me!”

Calum got up and ran over to Ashton, pulling at his shoulder as hard as he could. He was yelling but he didn't know if Ashton was listening to him. He couldn't let Ashton kill Michael.

“Ashton! You're killing him! He can't breathe!” Calum sobbed, still tugging at Ashton. “Ashton stop!” Finally he let go of Michael's neck and let Calum pull him off the boy on the ground. Michael rolled to his side holding his neck and coughing loudly. Beside him Ashton was still mumbling profanities and his bare chest was still heaving. “Go inside, Ash.”

“What?” Ashton asked, he stared at Calum like he was insane.

“You heard me. Please just, just go inside. I'll be inside in a few minutes,” Ashton scoffed and shook his head walking away from Calum, back inside. He knew that there would be a fight, he knew that it would be bad. And as much as he hated Michael, he didn't hate Michael, the guy needed his help. They were supposed to be best friends, right?

Calum kneeled next to Michael who was now sitting upright, wiping the blood off his lip. He probably had a broken nose and he'd have black eyes for a couple weeks.

“You okay?” Calum asked and then mentally punched himself for asking such a stupid question. “I mean-”

“I'm fine, yeah,” Michael cut him off and sighed. “Sorry I did this.”

“Sorry Ashton beat you up.”

“I deserved it.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence, the grass making their pants wet, but neither of them really cared. Calum didn't try to make eye contact with Michael once. He wanted Michael to leave, but come upstairs and sleep on his couch. Or in his bed. But he knew that it was a bad idea.

“Why'd you do it?”

“Do what?” Michael asked finally looking up from the ground, only to meet the side of Calum's face. “I did a lot of shit.”

“You don't love me,” Calum whispered and pulled his lips into his mouth.

“I do, actually,” Michael sighed and stood up from the ground. He held his hand out for Calum to help him up, but it was ignored. “Do you love me?”

Calum wanted to say yes. He wanted to say yes more than anything. But he couldn't. Michael was toxic and he was a snake. Dangerous and poisonous. Calum couldn't let him know that he still loved him. He knew that if he said no he didn't that Michael would be hurt and angry, but maybe that's what Michael needs. He needs to be hurt. Hurt emotionally like he had hurt Calum after the Bad Thing happened, and all the times before that. Calum wanted to kiss him and never stop, but he wasn't going to. Michael needed to leave and not come back. He had Luke. Ashton needed Calum, and Calum needed Ashton. Maybe the whole band thing wasn't going to work out because of this. Calum would start playing football again, and Ashton could join another band. Michael and Luke could make something out of themselves he was sure. This stupid love thing had ruined their dreams. So maybe Calum did love Michael, but he wasn't going to admit it.

“No, I don't,” Calum said and shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Oh,” Michael mumbled.

“Yeah.”

“I should go.”

“Yeah,” Calum repeated and Michael turned on his heels, leaving Calum standing on the poorly lit sidewalk in front of his apartment. He watched Michael climb into his car and drive away, probably to his house. He should go to the hospital. Calum shook his head and fought off the want to call Michael and tell him to go to the hospital. Luke would tell him to. Luke would take care of him.

“How are you?” Calum asked as he walked into the living room where Ashton sat on the couch, staring blankly at the TV.

“I'm fine. Come here,” Ashton demanded and Calum walked over to the older boy and sat down next to him.

“Do you love him?” Ashton asked. Calum's head throbbed at the word love. That word had been used too many times and he didn't want to hear it ever again.

“No.”

“Okay,” an arm draped over Calum's shoulders and Ashton pulled him to his chest. Calum breathed in his warm scent. Ashton always smelled like home. Calum felt his muscles relax a little and his eyes dipped closed. Ashton was safe and comfortable. He liked Ashton a lot more than anyone else at this moment. No more of that L-word.

“Can we go to bed?” Calum asked and Ashton nodded, standing up and lifted the younger up with him. He was carried bridal style to their bed. Calum was laid on his respective side and Ashton climbed onto his. He thought that maybe if he didn't wake up the next day that would be okay, or if he woke up and he didn't remember a single thing that had happened, that would be okay too.

Xxx

“Luke,” Michael croaked as he walked into Luke's room of his parents house. He had cried the whole way home and he had screamed, and he was exhausted.

“Michael?” Luke's groggy voice filled Michael's ears and it almost made him cry.

“Yeah, leave the light off,” the younger boy dropped his hand from the light switch on his lamp. “I have a headache.”

“Okay, come get in bed,” Luke whispered and pulled the blanket to the side for Michael. He stripped of all his bloody clothes and crawled under the covers next to Luke. He wrapped his arms around Luke and hid his face in the crook of his neck. He'd fucked up so bad, but obviously he loved Luke. Michael didn't know if he really loved Calum, but he wanted Calum to love him at least. Luke's hand rubbed circles on Michael's back, something that he always did to calm Michael down.

“I'm sorry,” Michael whispered.

“For what?”

“I went and saw Calum.”

“Oh.”

“I love you,” he seemed to throw that word around a lot. Like it meant nothing anymore. And maybe it didn't really. Love was just a word. You said you loved everything. You loved a song or a book or a person. It wasn't special anymore. Michael loved a lot of things and he loved a lot of people.

“Why'd you go to see him?”

“I don't know,” Michael answered honestly. He didn't know what his goal was. He had Luke why did he need Calum too. Maybe he wanted to get the shit beat out of him. He deserved it.

“What happened?”

“We just talked. I haven't talked to him in a long time. I guess I missed him.”

Luke nodded but he never said anything. They laid in silence, Luke still rubbing Michael's back and Michael hiding his wounds from Luke. His phone buzzed on the side table and Luke grabbed it.

“It's from Calum.”

“What does it say?” Michael felt Luke fiddle around with the phone as he unlocked it.

“Umm. It just says goodnight.”

Michael's heart sank a little. He didn't know what he wanted Calum to say but it wasn't that. He nodded and Luke set the phone back down on the nightstand. Luke's hand placed itself back on Michael's back. Calum was his best friend, right? They were supposed to be and Michael fucked that all up. They couldn't be friends anymore after this. Nothing would work out for any of them after this. They wouldn't be able to be a band. Maybe Calum could start playing football again. That would make him happy. Ashton could play drums in another, way better band. Luke could have a solo career and find a great boyfriend, or girlfriend. Someone a lot better than Michael. And what would Michael do? Be a lowlife and live with his mom the rest of his life? He wanted to kick his own ass for all the shit he had caused.

“I love you, too, Michael,” Luke finally mumbled and Michael nodded. Of course Luke loved him. He shouldn't but he did. He was probably a lot better off with Ashton, but Michael was selfish and he wanted Luke. So he got him.

“Do you miss him?” Michael asked and Like was silent for a while. Probably thinking about his answer, trying not to upset Michael by it. “Tell me the truth. I won't mind. It's alright, Lukey.”

“Yeah, I do. Only sometimes though. I just hope he's happy you know?”

Michael nodded. Calum's words rang in his ears and he squeezed his eyes closed.

“I just want you to be happy.” He had said and Michael bit back the tears that wanted to spill over. Of course Calum only wanted the best for him. He was happy. Luke did make him happy, maybe sometimes he was needy and whiny, but so was Michael and it just worked.

“Are you happy?” Michael dared to asked and he felt Luke nod his head.

“Yeah, I am. Are you?”

“Yeah, I'm happy.”

“Good.”

“Can we go to sleep now, Luke? My head hurts,” he knew it hurt from getting the shit beat out of him and in the morning when Luke found out that he hadn't told him he would be yelled at, but right now he just wanted to sleep.

Xxx

“It's going to be the first practice since the blow up,” Luke stated and Michael rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. He wasn't stupid but sometimes Luke said such obvious things.

“I know, Luke. It's going to be fine,” Michael told himself more than Luke. The youngest boy would be fine. He and Ashton still kept in touch. Michael hadn't spoke to Calum in months. It would be okay. He was more worried that Ashton would almost kill him again, though.

“They'll be here any minute,” Luke was pacing now, obviously worried about the same things Michael was. Michael grabbed Luke's shoulders and squeezed them lightly.

“I know. It's fine. We're fine,” Michael smiled lightly and placed a kiss on Luke's lips, making them both relax, even if it was just a little bit. Luke nodded and smiled back at Michael.

There was a knock on the door and Michael took a deep breath before walking away from Luke to answer the door to his apartment. The door opened up to Ashton and Calum standing side by side, looking quite tense and it was what Michael had expected. They had been hesitant to come in the first place, and he was lucky they even showed up.

“Hey guys,” Michael said, trying to make it somewhat less awkward, but he was never good at that.

“Hey,” Ashton and Calum said at the same time, making all three of them laugh nervously.

“Well, come in. Let's get started.”

Calum followed Ashton inside and into the living room where everything was set up. The two guitars, Calum's bass, and Ashton's box all sat in a circle like it used to be. Michael let the pair settle in their spots before he sat down next to Luke.

“We could just play some old songs? Cut the awkwardness? I miss playing with you guys,” Luke spoke up and Calum was the first to nod. Luke strummed his guitar and the other three picked up on the song quickly.

Before long the foursome were singing at the top of their lungs and laughing just like it had been before. It was like nothing had happened. Maybe music was what they needed. Despite all of the shit that happened it was still a common love. Michael couldn't help but smile as he watched his three friends – ex friends – play their instruments and laugh and sing again. Maybe he stole glances at Calum like he used to. Maybe he saw Luke and Ashton staring at each other, shining like two suns, and maybe at first he was jealous but he got over it.

“I missed this so much,” Calum said after all of their instruments were put to rest. “It feels good to play with you guys again, it feels right.”

They all nodded in agreement and Michael was smiling again. Maybe it was just meant to be that Calum was with Ashton and Luke was with him and there would always be a little tension. Maybe all that bullshit was meant to be to pull them back together.

Ashton and Luke were engrossed in a conversation about who knows what and Calum sat silently on his phone. He still hadn't talked to Michael directly the whole time he was there, but Michael was glad he was here at all.

“Hey, can I talk to you?” Michael nudged Calum's foot with his own and the younger looked up to meet Michael's eyes. “Like in the kitchen or something?”

Calum nodded and followed Michael into the kitchen after telling Ashton that he'd be right back.

“Hey,” Michael said as he leaned back against the counter. Calum stood across from him and it was too familiar, only this time there would be no fight, there would be no kicking out.

“Hi.”

“I'm sorry. You know, for everything. I know I was completely fucked up and I basically ruined your life. I just – you deserve a real apology. I want you to know that I'm so sincerely sorry for everything I did to you,” Michael said and stared at Calum. He didn't know what he would say, but he just hoped the younger wouldn't reject him.

“I want to say it's okay, because it wasn't, but I'm okay now. I'm better and I've put that behind me. And thank you for apologizing. We both deserved it. I've just missed you a whole shit ton, Mikey,” Calum smiled weakly and Michael smiled back.

“I've missed you too, Cal,” Michael laughed a little.

“Hug!” a voice yelled from the other room and they turned to see Ashton and Luke standing in the doorway. Surprisingly they were both smiling. Ashton didn't look like he wanted to kill Michael and that was all he wanted. Was to apologize to Calum and live through the night.

Calum pulled Michael into the biggest bear hug he had ever received and he gladly hugged back. Luke laughed and Michael smiled. His friends were all back to normal. Michael buried his face into Calum's shoulder just like he used to and he swore that if he could he'd stay here and hug Calum forever.

“So we're good?” Michael asked after they had pulled away from the hug. Calum was smiling and so was everyone else.

“Yeah, we're good.”

“Best friends forever, cuz muffin,” Michael laughed and nudged his elbow into Calum's side.

“Oh shut up,” he muttered but he had a grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys have any questions requests or anything like that message me on tumblr [here!](ghostmalums.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> Message me on tumblr @malumsau for any questions requests whatever you like yeha :)


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